Wishing you all the very best! You are worthy of love, you are worthy of respect, and you are worthy of being treated well. My best college friend passed away tragically and I passed the information on to the third member of our close group who I have not been in touch with for 50 years. In this situation, youre going to need to focus on the positives in your relationship. Please respond back with an answer. There are also free resources specifically designed for these types of situations. I am so torn, as I love both my ex and my husband, but I dont know what to do. The way I always felt about my kids mother has always been there and I always told myself that If I could be with her again I would. Hi Elle, this is definitely a tough situation. This means that it needs to be nurtured in order to be kept alive. (It lasted about 3-4 months) Out of fear of what the future would hold, I decided to stay and work on my marriage because its my comfort zone even if it meant the drama. All the time follow your heart. Because this is something that I come across from time to time in my one-on-one coaching sessions with the people I work with, I wanted to take the time to write an article for you on what to do when you are married, but in love with someone else! Its hard bc I dont want to live without him, but also dont want him to be with me if he cannot be committed. To work with us, just click here. We seem to either be thinking the same thing a lot, but we also have different strengths that seem to compliment each other. My husband works out of town and I found out he had been having an affair. But I dont want to. Hes still single nd we have mutual feeling for each other but am scared of the effect a divorce will have on my husband, our children nd people that arr close to us. In the beginning of what now is an affair, I tried to talk to my husband about my needs because I thought he deserves a chance to succeed but Im always met with some reason why I shouldnt feel that way. Hi Eva, thank you for taking the time to share your story. You weren't looking to fall in love with some who is not single, but you did. According to Dr. Martha Lee clinical sexologist and author of Love,. I am in love with another man who makes me feel alive again, happy again. I am attached to a person i cant have (coz she is also married) and i am not left with any emotions for a person i have. Prior to meeting my husband almost 6 years ago, I was in a very hot/cold relationship with someone for 7 years. I have told him he will never notice me while he is putting all of his romance and effort into this girl. Hi Sam, I am sorry to hear that youre struggling with such a difficult situation right now. Movies. Our relationship started fifteen years ago with a friendship and after we lost contact for a few years we met again and started a loose romance from which she got pregnant with our first child. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching by clicking here. Love is such a fascinating emotion. You might be adamantly opposed to the idea of divorce, and this could be a big part of why you're so conflicted. Watching someone you love, Love somebody else. I know this will affect my children, family and friends but everyday I think about the other girl. Hi John, I am sorry to hear that you are in a tough situation. Theyre smart and they can sense things. They went to school together in Africa and she initiated contact with him. So I want to save my marriage. Especially since it feels like apart from my husbands financial assistance, he doesnt put in any effort into our marriage. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for coaching so that we can ask you targetted questions that can help identify the right solution for your situation. A simple example of this is eating whatever you feel like eating right now because it tastes good, without thinking of the consequences it will have on your health later on. Otherwise, love comes and goes, changes and takes us on a wild ride. He said the reason he never pursued me is because he had to work on himself first and that if we had dated, he would have hurt me so badly that he chose to stay away. Today as I went home, even if I'm with my friends, I feel so alone. There are many complexities involved so I would recommend reaching out to us for coaching. thoughts??? I want to fight to save it but all I feel too is trapped. What do I do? If you choose to leave a marriage, it should primarily be because you have decided to set out on a new path towards well-being (not another person). Hi Holly, My therapist suggested couples therapy but he doesnt want that. Thanks for writing this article. We met eachother when we were really young. On top of that my children seem to be extremely distant from me and always want to leave with their father when he threatens to take my car and leave. TV Shows. We got back to a really nice comfortable place but he doesnt seem to want to put in the effort. Our minds are just so clouded with What ifs, questions, and fears, that we wind up feeling blind and confused. I told him i love him and if he cant handle the situation with me, he can choose to walk away and i will respect him with his decision. Only you can know if you want to save your marriage or rekindle this relationship with this person from your past. So talk about your husband or wifes interests with them. Weve probably been close for about 4 years. My marriage has its problems, but overall, my husband is wonderful. But my problem is I cant let go of this guy. We have an 18 year old. not to kiss you. Divorce is not to be taken lightly, but I know you know that because youre already on this website researching the situation so that you can make a well-informed decision. I have been happily married for 21 years. Im together with my husband for 9 years and we are married for 1 year. In it, you will find many indicators and signs that will help you determine whether or not its time to leave this marriage. I know nothing about this woman..not her name how she looks..nothingand there is no way I would ever have any sort of relationship with her because she knew he was married and still pursued him and broke my family apart. She sais she loves me, but she cant decide what to do, because the love for him is also strong or so she thinks. What if you choose to cut ties with the person you fell in love with and return to your spouse could you repair the damage? Thanks, but the one who has been with girls before which happens to be the one in the marriage that isnt working at all doesnt trust that her bestfriend / love of her life will leave her husband for her. I both want it and dont want it. She never was one to initiate anything sexual and at times how wed end up being intimate is kind of sad (wont write on this). This probably comes as no surprise but if youre serious about restoring and repairing your relationship with your husband or your wife, youve got to cut things off with the other man or woman. Im also very bad at explaining the problems I experience. You have to take a step back and really think about the long-term effects on every person involved in the situation. I feel trapped and alone and Ive lost the person I fell in love with as well. Any advise here? I have worked with people in both situations. How were you feeling in your marriage before this other person came along? Yet I cant divorce my husband due to social stigma and potential effect on the children for not being with their biological dad. What we need to zero in on here is whether or not you actually still want to be with your spouse. My friend and I have known each other for 10 years, but most of that time we both thought there was too much of an age difference between us (17 years) and that we wanted different things out of a relationship. One of the keys to living a gratifying life is treat people the way that we want to be treated, and if you want your partner to make you feel important, you need to make them feel important too and do it sincerely. You have basically 4 choices when you're married but in love with someone else: You stay in the extramarital affair while staying married too. Just want to say thank your for reading. Sorry for my bad English.. Im Dutch. I know its a mutual attraction and its exciting. In addition to this, I often see people making excuses. It seems they thought they would just do as the please and live a responsiblity free life and I would just hand the kids over for visits when he felt like. I also fell in love with someone who I worked with for a short time; I literally fell in love with him the first time I met him. The spouse even asked me to renew our vows but i said i dont want to. You probably never meant for it to happen. Speak to each other about the good things, reinforce them, make exciting plans and commit to exciting adventures. My husband, Joseph, and I have been married for almost eight years and we have always been very close. I feel like me and my kids mother were meant to be and she makes me feel wanted and loved and I cant control the way I feel about her . You're already in what some refer to as an emotional affair. Some work needs to happen to ensure that your husband no longer makes these mistakes, and if he does, he needs to realize that there are consequences. It feels like my friend and I connect well spiritually, emotionally, through the way we were brought up, and we have great teamwork. And it made me feel worse because I felt that I did the same infidelity that my spouse did to me about 7years ago. He has been back and forth with this girl for 3 months now. In their law separation will affect their children very badly not only emotionally but economically. I have wanted to leave my husband many times over the years and for different reasons never have. I have just stuck it out for the kids. Recently I had another man contacted through social media that I used to date at a couple times throughout my life before my husband. My heart was on flame for this man that helped me for my husband. But Im married now and dont want to destroy my marriage. Menu. But i dont want to lose him or what i have with him. 1 Awards and Nominations. I have nightmares constantly if someone taking advantage of me and Im not able to move. 4. This is precisely why it is so important to be honest with yourself and figure out what you truly want, and what you are willing to work for. I dont want to lose my children but my spouse always argues with me in front of the kids. Wishing you the best! As if you never wanted to let go. And letting him have sex with me and I hate every thing about it. Truth be told, when you are focused on short-term consequences, you often wind up making decisions that might not be the best for you. He needed up going to Florida as well to his parents house with the kids. I could easily have sex multiple times a day. "Relationship Radio: Marriage, Sex, Limerence & Avoiding Divorce" Quick Tips: Married but in Love with Someone Else Pt. But my best friend, who I was in love with since I was 15 has been a constant in my life for years. Dont leave the marriage for another person, though. I do agree with all of the ideas youve presented in your post. She explained that every single one of us always knows the answer already. Im confused about this whole thing. It has highlighted a lot more of the issues in my marriage. be to take a step back and really analyze what you want. You hugged me tightly. End the affair yourself, and . Ive spoken to my wife about our dwindling relationship and she has certainly made more of an effort recently- however Im struggling to find a reconnection to my wife. continuing like you probably are now "married but in love with someone else.") Decide to end your marriage to be with your affair partner-marrying them or not. Its important to try to figure out why a person does what they do. To give you an idea, here are the 5 love languages: These are words that are used to build a person up, reassure them about your love for them, and show them how much they mean to you. What can I or should I do? A way to help you choose And doesnt like my suggestions, it makes him feel uncomfortable. Wishing you all the best, Wow its the best to work out things with your husband because the most affected will be the children in case of a separation and no grantee that that new love will not fade anyway . When we start to fall into the routine of the relationship, its very easy to neglect one another, so one of the first steps of restoring and the relationship is to carve out time to spend with each other. I stopped seeing that person for now, but our relationship troubles arent fixed. If you are still feeling unsure about how youre going to get to the other side of this situation and find true happiness,all you have to is get in touch with me or a member of my team. I have not been in love with my husband for many years but i do love him and care for him. I highly encourage you to spend as much time with your parents and surround yourself with people that love and support you as you begin to exit this relationship. And, yet, my spouse neglects me. The thing is, I dont talk to others about the issues I have with him. I often wonder if things would turn out differently (better) if I was someone else..Finally, naye.. We can, however, ask you targetted questions and give you tools that will give you clarity. Now Im left with a decision of leaving my 20 year marriage knowing Im not in love with my husband or trying to sort it out but a bit pessimistic about it working. You can start to feel neglected or unfulfilled by your relationship, so you begin to look elsewhere. We only argue about affairs. Is it a defense mechanism as a result of something that hurt them at some point in their past? When I saw you first, it took every ounce of me. I want to forget and give my all to my wife, but I feel like what I did holds me back because I still feel some sort of connection with her. I also feel like I would be living a lie if I continued to stay with my wife knowing that Im still in love with the mother of my kids and deep down inside I really want to be with the mother of my kids but It would crush my wife if I told her .. thats where Im having a problem at cause Id rather just leave my marriage and everything behind and start over not just to be with the mother of my kids but a new start for me. You caught me off guard and took me by surprise, but you simply captivated me, the same way you do when I look into your eyes. I cant help it or Its not my fault are things that I hear on a regular basis. A couple times later I found out he was on Craiglist looking to do these odd sexual things and i confronted him about it. But you really have 4 important choices to consider when you're married. His father just passed away and he is broken. So I learned who I am, I studied, I got a good career, Im very interested in psychology and love to talk and philosophize. You can influence, direct and control your own environment. For other people we are the perfect couple. Married, But Constantly Thinking About Someone Else There are four options if you find yourself thinking of someone else and are debating about or have already had an affair: End the affair with that other woman or man, and fix things with your marriage Stay in your marriage while continuing a relationship with that someone She knows all that, we talk about it all, since she told me. So if youve chosen to restore your relationship with your spouse, lets take a look some of the most powerful tools that you can start implementing today! Also my libido is a lot higher then his, I love to experiment and try new things. I feel as now we are acting like roommates and not husband and wife. I dont think hes ever cheated because I get the vibe that he feels like he can get away with whatever since has never cheats. I am so lost I just want to disappear. An easy way to guard against this or restore the bond between you is to learn to identify and speak your spouses love language. My ex in the other hand understands me perfectly in every way. If you're married and in love with someone else, you might want to give yourself some time to figure out what to do. Thank you so much for your advice. 23 Signs of a Married Man in Love with Another Woman 1. I love my husband, he is my best friend, but I fear that I am no longer in love with my husband. But fast forward to today and youve found yourself with very conflicting emotions. Ive spent the past 18 years striving to be the perfect mom and corporate wife but I am afraid that I might have been faking it the whole time because I thought, This is as good as its going to get. So let me be very clear about something. A month ago, my wife told me, she fell in love with another man and since then realized, what she was missing in our relationship, because she experienced feelings, she didnt feel for a long time. This is an obvious sign you're unhappily married and in love with someone else. heart of hearts that youre not up for addressing and solving these issues, then the It's Hard to Love Someone Who Loves Someone Else Quotes & Sayings. I know that there are so many emotions coursing through you right now because you have found yourselfwanting someone else while in a relationship. Keep in mind that love is a choice. When our eyes connected there was a huge spark and feeling that i have never felt before. You want to make sure that you can highlight the positives and make sure that you both get excited about your relationship again. My husband has had many affairs on me and after things went south I realized I was not making him a priority due to the hurt I felt from the affairs and I started to close off. I like to be pampered nd he doesnt have time to pamper me, we dont go out for clubbing and thats one of the activities i like to do for fun, he doesnt allow me to put on the kind of clothes i like, we actually do not agree in so many things i feel like he tried so much to change who i am in the past nd that makes me to kinda hide my true personality from him. com for hes a GOD on earth. I was wondering if he too thinks about me as much as I think about him because he broke it off for the sake of his marriage. 3. How can you transform this vision into reality? My husband doesnt like to talk and difficulties are often swiped away. One day a guy I knew from HS messaged me about current events and made the comment my husband and I looked happy and he was happy for us, that Chad was a lucky man. First and foremost, I want you to know that you are not alone. More Classic Wedding Poems. You held me when i was down. I warn against this because when you leave one person for another, you do not give yourself time to mourn and heal from the previous relationship, and it places a huge amount of pressure on your new significant other. Elizabeth Banks stars in Walk of Shame, a 2014 romantic comedy about a woman who has to maneuver her way across the city to an interview for her dream . The only person holding me back to stay in this marriage passed away 2 yrs ago (my mom). I dont let him touch me. So now Im stuck and dont know what to do. Its not that he is a bad person, he is very kind, tries to make me happy in his own way, we laugh a lot because we have the same humour. We wish you the best of luck! It feels like my marriage is done, and we are just married for 1 year. I am in love with another man while married to someone else and he is also married. On top of that, a therapist or counselor can help you improve your overall well-being and help empower you to live the life you want. My issue is this: I love my husband, Im not ready to give up his friend ship, or him as a person just as a lover. I cant cut out the other person because he is the father. He get stressed out easily and frustrated. And I just couldnt believe someone actually treated me with respect and genuinely cared to hear what was bothering me what was on my mind. Be careful with how much you allow, because you are in essense teaching someone how they can treat you. We have 6 kids together and they have expressed that they want their dad as well; however, the older ones express anger about his choices even though they want him home. You cannot save a marriage if you do not truly want it to survive! Through talking to him Ive come to realize that Ive been hiding all the problems Ive had with my husband. I want the marriage to work because of all the financial implications and I still care for him. Hello I understand everything that was being said. Although i dont know if it will help my situation much. Even now with the chaos I am still in love with him but he has shown me a different side of him. But when my husband returned home he was a stranger for me. I am at that point where i can say i dont love him anymore. Lying and lying and lying and then speaking about getting married by church. We are constantly being exposed to the Hollywood and Disney movie culture, where it seems that everything is sunshine and rainbows for the rest of the couples life, no matter what. He said that he he kisses my picture every night before going to bed all these years. |. My husband and I have been married 17 years and I feel that I dont deserve him. The complexities of love can feel very paralyzing, especially when multiple people are involved, so I understand that you feel like you dont know which direction to take. I guess that it. When I take a step back and put things in perspective I recognize that Joseph and I have been living like roommates in a comfortable situation, but clearly our relationship was not fulfilling me. I cant stop loving this man. To access it, just click here. You can have an honest conversation with this person and tell them that you have chosen to save your marriage, so the affair and contact must end. If I had it my way I would just live alone and carry on relationships safely so Im not dependent on anyone but Im terrified of how that would hurt my family. Hi Kj, it would appear that youre willing to move on from your relationship with your boyfriend of 2 years. He also has erectial issues and cannot perform except for 2 minutes and then its over. So the very first thing we need to do it is to dissect the situation. I had a long talk with the mother of my kids and we settled out our differences and we talked about whether we were still in love with eachother after 20years of being apart and come to find out we both are. I do not want him to be in a fix because of my immaturity of realizing my feelings so late. I dont want to give up but if he walks away to choose her I will not be here waiting when reality hits his relationship and realizes he messed up. For 4 months now, ive developed a feeling for someone i havent even met personally. You can make your life what you want it to be, with whoever you want it to be with. Focus your energy instead on falling back in love with your husband by bringing new things into your relationship. I cannot live without texting and hearing from him. He doesnt know how to support me during this time with all the complexity of an ending marriage I was already checked out of, but living together, not yet divorced etc. He constantly makes me feel like Im not a priority. I moved my children to Florida with their grandparents and told him I was done with the relationship that he needed to figure out what he wanted to do. I know that this is very hard to do because you are focused on what you feel with your lover right now, and it is very powerful indeed. Movies. It was an arranged marriage. I do not know what to do. But hes more down to earth, having this job since he was 17 years old and just live his life day by day. The other man is a better husband to me and cares for my children than my husband does. Or will she regret it? During our first meeting, Brian confessed that he was in love with Katie, but he didnt want to lose his marriage. I cry more often I am completely depressed. Hmmm we seem to have something in common! The best thing would be to limit the amount of contact you have with your childs father. Its my downfall to try to take care of everyone and make sure everyone is happy. Hello Hope everyone is well despite whats been happening around the world. Hello there, we are so happy to read that this article helped! Hello Daosk, please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching. About a year ago, Brian reached out to me saying his marriage was in trouble, and not because his wife, Alexandra, didnt want to be with him, but because he wanted to be with his co-worker, Katie. In order to become a good listener, you have to really care about what your partner is saying. I know my husband is not ok with this because he found the text messages. Unhappy and lonely, I tried to be content and happy whatever differences in opinions were and what ever much he hurt me I learned to let it go almost instantly. However, if you would rather focus on cultivating a romantic relationship with your friend, you will have to think about letting go of your marriage. I wish I knew what to do and in the meantime turn off my emotions.HHELP!!!! We arent really taught about the fact that all relationships will encounter highs and lows, and love is not something that is magically preserved on its own. From that point on, you take your distance and focus on your relationship. Now I dont think I feel anything Im just empty, lonely and Im looking for love and to be loved. Ny feelings are all over the place right now and even though I know what I really want to do which is be with her I dont want to hurt my wife but at the same time Im tired of living my life for everyone else and I want to do something that I want to do for a change in my life and what I think is best for me. Now, try the right place. He has come home two separate times and returned within days because he misses her. How do I get through this? We cannot live, except thus mutually . The heart is a definitely complicated thing. Instead, he wanted to find a way to save it. It was because of this child (but not only because of him), that we engaged in a serious relationship after all. I think I let this other relationship evolve in the beginning just to discover what I want and if I could have it. I didnt divorce, but I have moved out and come back. The things he speaks to me about and the way that he treats me, even from so far, has made me feel like he is the one I should be with. I didnt realize that my marriage had become predictable and monotonous until Chris started to surprise me and make me feel things that I hadnt felt in a really long time. Your partner wants to be supported by you so If you talk to them about what they are interested in, they will feel valued and will value you in return. The problem started around a year back when i felt like emotionally attached to that friend and it grew stronger and stronger everyday. Im on the other side of the situation: You can get in touch with them directly by calling 1-800-799-7233, or if you are in a situation where you are unable to talk safely, you can log on to http://www.thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474. I dont even know what I want in my life to make me happy. Your email address will not be published. Any guidance would be much appreciated. Married for 12 years. I have suggested couples therapy but her answer is for me to try it first. His face lights up when he sees you. But that doesn't mean there's no coming back. Sorry, but I am giving up. What is this connection that I still have with her and how can I get to a place where I dont think about her everyday? I am in love with another man while married to someone else and he is also married. Theyre very convincing and will definitely work. Well about a year later I see that he was at it again and I told him I wanted a divorce and of course he begged and said he was wrong and to forgive him, that he would go to sex aholics anonymous and see a psychologist. I had no clue and my world fell apart. One of the women never have been with a woman and the other has been with two before her. I am at the point where i dont wanna try anymore. Yelling at me calling me names in front of them. We'll never know the future but I'm sure we can make one. I can also recommend a program we have created to help people move on from an unhappy marriage with grace and peace of mind. How to make your boyfriend miss you: The EASIEST way! Maybe it will save more heartache and finances down the line. You can never force it, but once it arrives and settles in, you need to actively preserve it if you dont want it to go anywhere. Well, wanted to, I fell in love with someone else. He has cheated on me during our 1st year of marriage, said he got drunk and it was a mistake and came clean about it so I forgave him. Hi Kim, Thank you for sharing your story. Get personalized recommendations, and learn where to watch across hundreds of streaming providers. This is where communication comes into play so that the two spouses can determine the best environment for their children.